I can believe of so lots of beginnings to this story and so several endings, but the story will be the exact same no matter what words I use to describe the heartache and break of those amazing and terrible nine months So I will just tell it plainly, as if I had been telling a dear friend

I didn’t understand I was pregnant until the middle of June I was a month and a half late, and when I discovered out, I was ecstatic I had just gotten a attractive engagement ring on my finger, not huge, but some thing that showed the delicate promise of our love His name was Arich He was a tall, stringy boy, reaching 6’4 with enormous green eyes, and hair that was naturally red, but dyed so a large number of times that the color was a mixture of black and an abnormal color of red, nearly an orange Arich had proposed to me a couple of days after prom night, the night that we unknowingly had gotten pregnant We had been just two sex frenzied teenagers who loved to screw like jackrabbits, and we weren’t thinking of the result of our lovemaking We utilized condoms, we employed spermicidal, and yet I still had a life growing inside of me as I discovered out later.As I said just before I was ecstatic about the pregnancy I have constantly been a really maternal individual, taking care of other people was what I did ideal, compassionate about every thing that drew my passions, and kids and babies have constantly made me happy Arich, on the other hand, was scared shitless He automatically suggested an abortion, but I was raised a Christian and believe that any life, no matter how tiny or newly formed, is precious Next he suggested adoption He was adopted himself He, in my opinion now, didn’t turn out that superb having gone by means of being adopted He was a seriously fucked up individual, mentally, that is He had a lot of abandonment problems, on top of other weird quirks and oddities I told him no, that I wanted to maintain the baby.As the weeks went by, turning into months, our relationship grew strained He hadn’t gone to any of my OB appointments, such as the ultrasound He was usually disappearing, going off with his friends, and I suspected him of cheating on me, though I had no proof other than he was constantly with a female friend whenever he mysteriously vanished We rarely saw every other, with him working his dinky job and going to college making use of his fathers vice presidency of the local college, Portland State University, as a totally free ride to his dreams and aspirations, and me working a full time night shift at the Plaid Pantry in Lake Owego On top of our jobs, and his college, when he discovered out about the pregnancy he decided to reside in the outskirts of Portland, near St Johns, with his father and step mother, making our seeing every other even less of an occurrence Each time I did see Arich, he was resentful, angry and hateful He said and did things just to upset me, stupid childish things that wouldn’t have usually affected me, but I was a Rather emotional pregnant woman Not only was I going via this pregnancy alone, I was suffering sexual harassment at my job, which I eventually quit, I was living in a house for unwed mothers due to the reality that I was homeless for the 1st trimester of the pregnancy, and to top it all off, he hadn’t told his parents that I was pregnant I didn’t know regardless of whether or not I could maintain the baby just since I couldn’t even take care of myself I had no job, no automobile at the moment, no education but a GED ( I had dropped out of the last semester of high school for a job The family that I had been living with prior to the pregnancy had kicked me out of their house for not having a job and I required to save cash for an apartment.) I couldn’t even maintain a relationship going.The initial time I saw his mother throughout the pregnancy was in the middle of November Arich was walking me to the residence for unwed mothers after a go to over at his mom’s home and his mother was taking her nightly walk He usually made a point to see me or have me over at his home when his mother was gone It was chilly, and due to the fact I hadn’t any funds to get a winter coat, I was wrapped up in a bulky blanket As she rounded the corner, Arich froze up His mother discovering out about the pregnancy would get him grounded and most likely a couple of other punishments as well, regardless of whether he was living with her or not She stopped us, and started talking, asking why I had put on so significantly weight I, still foolishly thinking that we had a chance at love, automatically took the lead and lied my butt off Tension, of course was 1 of the lies, on top of not obtaining sufficient exercise She accepted those lies very easily as the truth She couldn’t see my stomach, covered by the blanket, just like the lies that had been covering my life now, not just my falsehoods, but Arichs’ as well.After that chance encounter with his mom, things got worse He kept making excuses as to why he couldn’t see me, and couldn’t go to the physician appointments They ranged from his vehicle had broken down, to his friends automobile had broken down; his father had gotten into an accident, which, when I spoke with him later, became a totally various story.My nineteenth birthday came and went in the middle of December, and I was 7 months pregnant with a small girl We had both agreed on a name, and I had finally decided that placing her for adoption was the most beneficial thing that I could do for her as a mother We went to a local adoption agency, and started looking at profiles for prospective parents There was a gay couple that I liked, but it turned out that they had moved and already adopted a unique child We went with our second choice A great Christian couple that was a couple of years older than us, he had a fantastic job working with computers and she was a stay at property mom for their other adopted child, Lisa, who was seven years old I thought that it was amazing that our small flower was going to have an older sister and possibly other younger brothers and sisters after she grew to be older We met the couple and I was astounded at how closely they looked like us She had the exact same pixie hair cut as I did, as well as pixie face and upturned nose, and even though he was a lot shorter than Arich, they had comparable facial features They agreed to most of my terms for the adoption, pictures each year, 1 meeting with our daughter once a year, and updates on her development They didn’t agree on the name, they had 1 chosen out since they very first started thinking about adopting one more child I was wishful, thinking that the name we had chosen out would grow on them, so I agreed and even though no official paper work was to be filled out until after the baby was born, I started looking at them as her parents, though resentfully It was coming up on Christmas, and I had made plans with 1 of my friends to invest Christmas Eve until the day after Christmas with her and her astounding family I had a amazing Christmas, receiving only 1 call from Arich, and even though I had wished for a go to from him, I was content with just talking to him I was going to see him on the twenty-sixth to exchange gifts anyways The morning of the twenty-sixth I woke up fairly early Feelings of panic and anxiety instantly .